4 hours ago
Little Seoul Times
Breaking News — Justice Served on Grove Street
SHERIFF HARGROVE NABS RITCHIE BROWN IN ROOFTOP STING — “SPIDER MONKEY” ARREST ENDS MONTHS-LONG MANHUNT
Little Seoul, San Andreas —
In what authorities are already calling one of the boldest arrests in recent state history, Blaine County Sheriff Dusty Hargrove and his team captured fugitive Ritchie Brown late last night following an attempted assassination of Governor James Douglas — and did so in a fashion straight out of an action movie (or a very strange nature documentary).
Brown, now officially headed to prison for 241 months with bail set at a staggering $55,000,000, also owes the State of San Andreas $457,651.39 in outstanding fines. Officials confirm he is being charged in connection with the attempted murder of Governor Douglas and remains a prime suspect — and previously suspect #1 — in the earlier attempt on Sheriff Hargrove’s own life.
Yes, you read that correctly. The man tried to kill the Sheriff. The Sheriff then tricked him into getting arrested. Poetry.
A Trap So Simple It Shouldn’t Have Worked (But Did)
According to sources inside the Sheriff’s Department, Hargrove personally lured Brown to Grove Street after sending him a message claiming that someone was, quote, “shagging his wife.”
Brown, apparently abandoning all sense of self-preservation, rushed to the scene to “handle business.”
That’s when things went… vertical.
As Brown exited his vehicle, Sheriff Hargrove reportedly leapt from a rooftop like a feral spider monkey, landing on Brown and placing him under arrest before he even realized he’d been played.
“It was like watching National Geographic, but with handcuffs,” said one stunned witness.
A Criminal Mastermind He Is Not
Law enforcement officials did not mince words when describing Brown’s downfall.
“This guy thought he was untouchable,” one deputy told The Little Seoul Times. “Turns out he’s just… an idiot.”
Brown’s so-called “partner” — whose name authorities are withholding, though insiders describe them as “about as useful as a screen door on a submarine” — was reportedly nowhere to be found when things went south.
“Funny how fast people vanish when the bail is $55 million,” another officer remarked.
From Would-Be Assassin to Inmate
Brown was taken into custody without injury and transferred immediately to state processing, where he now faces a long list of charges tied to:
Attempted assassination of Governor James Douglas
Outstanding warrants and financial penalties totaling $457,651.39
Prior involvement in the attempted murder of Sheriff Hargrove
And several other charges officials describe as “so long we ran out of clipboard.”
If convicted on all counts, Brown will spend over 20 years behind bars, with his next scheduled “important life event” being his first parole hearing sometime in the mid-2040s.
Sheriff Hargrove: Still Fishing Tomorrow
Despite the dramatic takedown, Sheriff Hargrove appeared unfazed afterward.
“He clocked out, went home, and reportedly made plans to go fishing this weekend,” a department spokesperson said. “Same as always.”
As for Ritchie Brown — the man who tried to kill the Sheriff, tried to kill the Governor, owed nearly half a million dollars in fines, and still fell for a text about his wife — he is now exactly where authorities say he belongs.
Behind bars. For a very, very long time.
— Little Seoul Times
Breaking News — Justice Served on Grove Street
SHERIFF HARGROVE NABS RITCHIE BROWN IN ROOFTOP STING — “SPIDER MONKEY” ARREST ENDS MONTHS-LONG MANHUNT
Little Seoul, San Andreas —
In what authorities are already calling one of the boldest arrests in recent state history, Blaine County Sheriff Dusty Hargrove and his team captured fugitive Ritchie Brown late last night following an attempted assassination of Governor James Douglas — and did so in a fashion straight out of an action movie (or a very strange nature documentary).
Brown, now officially headed to prison for 241 months with bail set at a staggering $55,000,000, also owes the State of San Andreas $457,651.39 in outstanding fines. Officials confirm he is being charged in connection with the attempted murder of Governor Douglas and remains a prime suspect — and previously suspect #1 — in the earlier attempt on Sheriff Hargrove’s own life.
Yes, you read that correctly. The man tried to kill the Sheriff. The Sheriff then tricked him into getting arrested. Poetry.
A Trap So Simple It Shouldn’t Have Worked (But Did)
According to sources inside the Sheriff’s Department, Hargrove personally lured Brown to Grove Street after sending him a message claiming that someone was, quote, “shagging his wife.”
Brown, apparently abandoning all sense of self-preservation, rushed to the scene to “handle business.”
That’s when things went… vertical.
As Brown exited his vehicle, Sheriff Hargrove reportedly leapt from a rooftop like a feral spider monkey, landing on Brown and placing him under arrest before he even realized he’d been played.
“It was like watching National Geographic, but with handcuffs,” said one stunned witness.
A Criminal Mastermind He Is Not
Law enforcement officials did not mince words when describing Brown’s downfall.
“This guy thought he was untouchable,” one deputy told The Little Seoul Times. “Turns out he’s just… an idiot.”
Brown’s so-called “partner” — whose name authorities are withholding, though insiders describe them as “about as useful as a screen door on a submarine” — was reportedly nowhere to be found when things went south.
“Funny how fast people vanish when the bail is $55 million,” another officer remarked.
From Would-Be Assassin to Inmate
Brown was taken into custody without injury and transferred immediately to state processing, where he now faces a long list of charges tied to:
Attempted assassination of Governor James Douglas
Outstanding warrants and financial penalties totaling $457,651.39
Prior involvement in the attempted murder of Sheriff Hargrove
And several other charges officials describe as “so long we ran out of clipboard.”
If convicted on all counts, Brown will spend over 20 years behind bars, with his next scheduled “important life event” being his first parole hearing sometime in the mid-2040s.
Sheriff Hargrove: Still Fishing Tomorrow
Despite the dramatic takedown, Sheriff Hargrove appeared unfazed afterward.
“He clocked out, went home, and reportedly made plans to go fishing this weekend,” a department spokesperson said. “Same as always.”
As for Ritchie Brown — the man who tried to kill the Sheriff, tried to kill the Governor, owed nearly half a million dollars in fines, and still fell for a text about his wife — he is now exactly where authorities say he belongs.
Behind bars. For a very, very long time.
— Little Seoul Times
CASUAL
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